The Sort of Revenge
by teanotes
Summary: James Potter is down for the count thanks to Sirius Black and venison.


a/n: dedicated to kitana for believing in james potter and sirius black / an early birthday present probably, ,

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_The Sort of Revenge_

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Of all the places he could have been, Lily finds him in the library.

He sits, facedown, lying on his arms. There are stacks of thin, contemporary-looking books placed beside him and Lily feels a pang of fear erupt when she internalizes that _James Potter_ is actually in the library _reading books _rather than destroying school property or hexing anything with legs.

For a moment, she wonders if it's really him, but there was no way to dismiss the mop of unstable hair, its tufts sticking out in all directions. He's also got this pristine Gryffindor cloak that looks brand new, which of course it is, as he's one of the wealthiest kids Lily's had the opportunity to meet, plus the only person she knew whose parents bought him a new uniform each year with extras to spare.

Lily brings the hem of her cloak she's been using since third year a little closer to her person before she takes the seat across from him in a loud slamming action, trying to scare him awake. When that doesn't work, she runs a hand through his hair and rubs his head like a cat, which he might as well be with how well he's able to nap in the most uncomfortable places.

It's a funny thing, that is, James waking up. Slowly, he looks up from the table and plops his chin on his hands, blinking at Lily in a way that assures her he's still half-awake. His glasses are skewed, and she has to hide a laugh when she notices the pattern of the table imprinted on his forehead.

"Good morning," she greets him.

"Morning," he yawns.

"It's four in the afternoon, you know," Lily says, hiding her concern. "What in Merlin's name are you doing here? No, let me rephrase—_what are you up to?_"

James blinks some more then rubs his eye. "Don't be rude, Lillian. I was just reading."

"That's not my full name and—wait, what?"

He motions lazily towards the few books scattered around him, and Lily recognizes some of them with a jolt.

"James," she says, unbelieving, "are these _muggle recipe books?"_

The boy in question only shrugs. "Some of them. I don't think they'll have what I'm looking for. The old wizarding ones Mother had didn't, either, 'cept for a couple I found in the restricted area."

Lily doesn't exactly know where to start, so she just says, "You're not supposed to go there. It's called restricted for a reason. Since when did you cook?"

He gives her a look as if she had three heads. "I don't, but I _was_ looking for something…"

His voice dies out and his lips form a thin line, suddenly giving off an urgent vibe. Lily almost scrambles away from the complete 180 character shift.

"Looking for what?"

He caves into himself and looks away. "Dog."

She doesn't think she hears right. "Sorry, what?"

"Dog," he says a little louder, seemingly interested in a few second year Ravenclaws gathered behind her.

"Dog," she repeats. "Dog…recipes?"

James nods.

"Oh," Lily says, a bit surprised. "What, you mean dog food recipes? You know they sell pre-made food in cans—"

"Lily," he interrupts. She sees him shift in his seat, only looking at the table in front of him. "Dog recipes. As in food people eat. As in for eating. As in chomp chomp munch munch woof—"

The screeching sound from pushing her chair back so quickly is loud enough to shut him up. Lily shakes uncontrollably.

"James Potter," she says over the pounding of her heart, "I am breaking up with you."

James' jaw pops open as he straightens in his seat. Most of the students in the library pause and mutter, and there's an awkward wave of "I told you it wouldn't last" that spreads its way through the room.

"Wai—Lily!" He stands, panicked. "I was—just _listen_ to me!"

"I don't care," Lily exclaims. "I don't care what prank or whatever you have planned and just leave me out of it, but I will _never_ associate myself with a dog murderer!"

Those around them burst in hushed whispers and the lapsing "I told you it wouldn't last" warps to "I told you Potter was criminal".

James stares blankly right before he slams his forehead with his palm. Leaning over the table, he grabs her elbow and wordlessly urges her to sit down. She does, shaking his hold off and reluctantly sitting back down.

"Evans, I swear to Merlin and my mother I'm not going to murder any pups or doggies or goddamn cats anytime soon," James soothes. "Not ever."

Lily crosses and uncrosses her arms in hesitation. "You swear?"

"Solemnly."

"Then why are you looking up dog recipes?"

James had the decently to look embarrassed and rubbed the nape of his neck. "Well, it's actually Sirius' fault."

"Sirius?" Lily asks. "Wait, isn't Sirius…? _James!_"

It's not like they hadn't gotten into petty fights before, but to plan to make a dog dish out of your best friend…

"Don't get angry!" pleads James. "It's not my fault! But you _do_ remember yesterday, right?"

"What about yesterday?" This boy is ridiculous if he thinks Lily actually mastered Legimens and assumes she knows what he's talking about.

"The dinner feast. Do you remember what there was?"

"I don't know. Wasn't there chicken and other meat and all?"

"Venison." James answers this with a perceptible grief. "There was venison."

Sighing, Lily understands where this is going. "James, it can't be helped that the house elves serve that time to time."

"Lily!" he cries, "The only reason they served that was because Sirius _told_ them to! Bet he thought it was funny. You know what made that worse? Everyone was eating it! Probably even Dumbledore and Snivelly and Filch's cat! That bastard Sirius was lapping it up, even _Remus and Peter_ took a bite. You know how sick that is?"

"So you thought you'd get even by doing the same with him," deduces Lily. "James, that sort of revenge isn't worth it at all."

A little calmer, James says, "Whatever. I spent the whole afternoon looking for a dish to throw back at his face, but when I came across an actual recipe…Lily, you do know there is no way in hell I'd actually roast a dog and eat it, right? That's absolutely disgusting. And probably morally wrong."

Hearing him say that relieves Lily from her worry. "Probably? I was ready to curse you after breaking up with you."

His eyes flashed in fear. "Don't tell me you were serious about that."

Giggling, Lily admits, "Of course."

"Shit, well, I'll remind myself to never mention eating domestic pets in front of you again."

"That'd be lovely," Lily says, "but what are you going to do about Sirius now?"

For a long second, James scrunches his nose and scratches his cheek. "I think I've got an idea or two."

The next morning, Sirius Black wakes up to a dorm room full of rowdy puppies, gnawing at his belongings and leaving presents all over his side of the room. James Potter, in the most infuriating way possible, reminds Mr. Black how lucky it is that his girlfriend loves animals and would not allow any admission of fried creatures of any kind into the dormitories. It is a good day.


End file.
